“Hey Adam. Pull my finger.”
KOLOB — (SP)
On Friday the Almighty God admitted that He “pulled a fast one” when He sent troops into Iraq in search of Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs). “I’m still laughing about that,” He chuckled while slapping his knee.
God confessed that He did indeed tell George W. Bush “to send in the troops. It was so hilarious! You should have seen that dumbfuck’s face!” God guffawed. “And My Tool Sarah Palin? Her comments about Me being in charge of all that death and destruction … priceless!” God laughed.
Angels close to God told Sheep Dip that “God is indeed a real joker. He keeps us on our toes up here.” One angel who asked not to be identified by his Heavenly name says that the “Almighty is always sneaking a whoopee cushion onto my gold chair when I’m off playing the harp somewhere. Silly ass.” He rolled his eyes.
There was a tense moment during the news conference when a deceased Iraq War veteran asked God why He thought it was funny “to put people’s lives on the line in search of something that doesn’t even exist.” God immediately slammed him with a bolt of lightning that sent him to Hell. Assuming a serious expression, God then looked upon the remaining seemingly terrified Heavenly hosts and asked, “Too soon?”
After an awkward silence God slapped his knee again and laughed uproariously.
“Everyone sort of relaxed after that,” an anonymous angel breathed in relief. “But we’re all kind of wondering if His medication should be adjusted. Don’t tell Him I said that though.”
